Monday, April 4, 2011

Slurpee Season 2011 Begins: THOR

Everybody needs that special retarded thing they do that defies explanation and garners tons of judgmental stares. Something that makes you happy while simultaneously makes you wonder if you are becoming one of those obsessive compulsive assholes. My vice comes to me every April in the form of slurpee season. For the past five or six summers, the good people at 7-11 have consistently joined up with movie studios to tie-in their latest blockbusters with the convenience store’s number one frozen treat, the slurpee. What does that mean for us? It means collectible plastic cups featuring the characters and stars from summer movies we are destined to love. Summer movies are my favorite kind of movies. They’re my first memories of being in a movie theater and probably set the tone for the kind of movie that I would forever be chasing. To properly enjoy the summer, you must immerse yourself in the merchandising and this has been my favorite kind as of late.

I started my collection in 2005 when REVENGE OF THE SITH’s release spawned Darth Dew, a purple drink that was served in cups topped with Darth Vader’s head.

These stupid things captured my imagination and it delighted me to no end when SUPERMAN RETURNS cups showed up the next summer with not one but TWO exclusive flavors in Kryptonite Ice and Arctic Blast. It became an annual tradition. Who could resist drinking slurpees that Superman himself could never drink? And with Kate Bosworth's and Kevin Spacey's pretty mugs on them no less. You will never see anything like that ever again. Now slurpee tie-ins serve as the herald of summer movie season. They’re the warm up act for the main event. It gets me excited and now you have to read about the latest round of drinkware. It's only now occurring to me how much Mountain Dew I've accidentally ingested over the past few years.

Marvel and 7-11 have been super tight buddies for decades. If you look on ebay, you can find slurpee cups with the entire catalogue of Marvel heroes from way back in the 70’s. Nearly every Marvel movie has had some sort of 7-11 promotion, and they’ve done it on a regular basis for a fifth year in a row. This May, the God of Thunder will strike his bad ass lightning bolt onto the silver screen of your local movie theater. But before he will, you can collect images of his likeness at a participating franchise!

THOR cups have officially arrived at 7-11 and if you’ve read my previous blogs from a few years back, you know that means these days I’m a pretty happy camper. It's a little weird that Sif gets her own cup when Natalie Portman or Kat Dennigs slurpees would have been much more amazing. Sometimes, but not always do these cups come with their own exclusive flavor and we lucked out this time around with Blue Lightning Blast! A thunderous blend of Raspberry and Tangerine Hawaiian Punch! Even though it’s exciting to drink something named after electric murder, the awful truth is that blue slurpee, no matter what you call it, will always taste the same. This one is not bad, but it’s pretty funny how I always expect to be wowed by these new flavors like Willy Wonka was in charge or something.

For the past few years, they decided they want more of my money and have been making collectible straws with little figurines of the characters to go with the cups. Sold separately of course for a price that is almost as much as the cup. If you told 16 year old Derick that one day he’d be able to buy a slurpee with Loki, God of Mischief all over it, he’d probably say “So, I never grow up?” and then I’d slowly back away and sip my drink while kicking dirt and lamenting my younger self’s sharp tongue. BUT WHO CARES, LOOK HOW COOL IT IS!

I can never not break the figurine off the straw within ten seconds of having it out of the wrapper. I only drink out of these things once and I always mess it up. I’m going to blog about my favorite movie tie-in kind of garbage as I find cool stuff to write about. If only you guys were around for the time I ate Indiana Jones coconut M&M’s when CRYSTAL SKULL came out. It’s times like these we learn to live again.

- D


  1. Slurpee + tequila = Homeless Margarita. If you're only going to get one use out of the cup/straw, make it a good one.

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